Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
