At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We are two peas in an std pod
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
