listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
