Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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