she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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