Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
