wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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