Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize