Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
