I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Moan for me like Helen Keller
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My boob is missing a layer of skin
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
