Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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