I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
