you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
i've created a new STD.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
