I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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