It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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