I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
