her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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