As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize