ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
