so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
