i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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