before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
