i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
