Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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