oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
