How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
