Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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