I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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