While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
