so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize