God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
