I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
