the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
