listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
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