He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
