i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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