Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize