don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
