FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
