just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
