Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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