: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
