Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
