I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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