Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
