If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
