the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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