I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
