end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
