i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
