You're my little dorito
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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