now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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