I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
