I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Sober January is a disaster.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
