Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
