I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
