but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
