Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
