You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize