I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
it's great music for shaving your balls
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
