i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
