She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
