I feel like abortions should bother me more
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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