But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
