I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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