1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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