bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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