when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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